Chocolate was Originally Bitter
by Chilipop
Summary: Lelouch tries to move on after being emotionally broken by Nunnally, knowing that he has already involved the whole of Japan and Brittania and that the outcome is clear: He can't.


_I don't think a fic should be rated M just for one__ or two strong scenes. I want this to be a T or K fic but I felt it was necessary to put in the abuse scene to show how mentally unstable Lelouch was after being rejected by Nunnally. As you have guessed this takes place in an alternate world in episode 6 where Nunnally finds out Lelouch is Zero during their little chat. Don't worry in reviewing my crap, I just write the first thing that comes into my mind so bear with me :3_

**1 – ****Paper, Locket, ****Scissors**

It had just taken one word for Rolo to accidentally start it. 'Nii-san'. It had driven Lelouch insane. He pinned the dark ash blonde boy's wrists down to the bed and laid on top, filled with rage. He felt the urge to destroy something, to tear someone apart. When Rolo entered their room, he was throwing away the photos from the shelf, slapping the flower vase and breaking the glass he had used during breakfast to drink orange juice, smashing them towards the walls with his hand covered in blood. It had been that word, that worried 'Nii-san?' the blonde boy said that made Lelouch psyche's finally collapse.

He was angry with Suzaku, with Nunnally, with C.C, with his father, with Brittania, with the Order of the Black Knights, with his fake brother, he was angry with the world. And out of all of those things, his fake brother happened to step in. He was unlucky to have all of the fallen prince's hatred directed at him.

Blood flowed like a delicate river in Rolo's pale belly. Lelouch didn't bother to clean the blood remains on his mouth and swallowed the boy's blood. He bit the nipple once again, as hard as he could and the red river became a beautiful lake.

"Do you think I ever considered YOU as a brother? You are nothing more than a replacement. No. I'm wrong. You are not even a replacement. You are just my pawn."

He bit Rolo's neck once again like a vampire, partially chocking him with his full jaw around the thin throat. He wanted to harm him, to destroy him, to humiliate him, to rape him, to make him pay for all the suffering.

"I am about to rape you. Are you going to stop time? Are you going to kill me? Or do you really think that I'm still your brother." Lelouch laughed evilly and mockingly, his pupils staring towards the ceiling. He spitted on the younger teen. He had already lost it. If he had been sane, he knew Rolo could kill him in any moment. Not only with his Geass but this boy was certainly more physically stronger than him as well and had an excellent maneuvering of weapons having the possibility to use any of the pieces of the broken glasses.

But Rolo did nothing. The flowing blood was the only prove that he was still alive.

"I won't do that…I would never do that to Nii-san."

"I'm not your Nii-san, freak!" Lelouch threw a fist at him, "I'm Nunnally's Nii-san!" And another fist. "Nunnally's Onii-sama!" And another one. "Nunnally's Onii-sama! Nunnally's Onii-sama!" The raven haired boy grabbed the blonde's throat and started to choke him, repeating those words once again.

"I…" He had a hard time speaking and made an effort to be understood while being choked to death, "Ah… I want to be… you Nii-san too…"

"SHUT UP!"

Lelouch took off the belt from his jeans and started to hit Rolo one, two, three, four, five, he had lost the count, times.

"Why why why why why why why why…", Said the prince between every hit.

"Why Nunnally?! Why?! Why?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!" He gave the last blow. It had been so hard Rolo's vision was turning hazy. Lelouch started to laugh once again, in a loud and scary way.

"N…nii-san…Why…"

Lelouch suddenly removed his pants and black underwear and placed his whole length into the margenta eyed boy's mouth. Rolo gasped and tears started to form in his eyes.

"Aren't you going to kill me yet? Do you enjoy making me suffer?! When are you going to kill me! You are so pathetic!"

The tip was ramming against the younger teen's throat bell, he wanted to vomit. He wanted to throw up even more when his fake brother released a disgusting yellow liquid that went all the way through his esophagus. He ended up throwing up all over Lelouch's dick which made the latter hit him with the leather belt once again. He threw up once again all of Lelouch's urine, his throat was reddish from exhaustion. The raven haired boy was of course angry, he grabbed a good portion of Rolo's hair and smashed the pre-teen against the wall near the bed twice. A trickle of blood and sweat stained the wall near the bedside.

He was tired. He lacked enough physical strength to continue to beat him. He was weak and his arms started to hurt like hell. It wasn't easy to neither to hit someone with a belt nor throw too many fists without getting tired. He still wanted more but his body was tired. He panted as Rolo did.

"Right now I hate you. I hate you so much…" Rolo coughed.

"Then why don't you kill me?"

"I hate you so much that I want to kill you. But… that makes me happy." Rolo coughed even more. He still had the flavour on his throat and the latter hurted as well from all the excessive vomiting.

The masked man was confused. How could someone be happy while hating someone? He wanted to physically knock some sense into the boy but was too tired. On the meanwhile Rolo stood up and did not face him. He was still a little scared but gathered up enough courage to express himself.

"Hate is an emotion. A powerful one. 14 years ago I had none of them. I had no soul. But Nii-san gave Rolo emotions. He thought me how to feel them. He gave them to me. I felt love, I felt acceptance, I felt warm. I had feelings. I felt… alive. All because of Nii-san… but now…"

Lelouch grinned and chuckled, hoping to crush Rolo's hopes once again.

"That year was fake."

"You're wrong."

"Huh?"

"During that year my emotions were sealed. As soon as I had one, I sealed it. It was during that battle when you promised me a future when all of my sealed emotions were unlocked and when I truly felt alive and loved."

"Hahahaha. Loved? YOUR future? I was just using you."

"And that's why I hate you…. But I can't kill you… maybe it's because I like to feel, even if it is bad and makes me sad." Rolo looked at his wounds. "I'm bleeding. It is disgusting, it hurts. But I like it. It proves that I'm alive and bleed like everyone else. If I had to choose between pain and not feeling anything, I would choose pain. It hurts but makes me happy…"

"…You won't kill me because you love to hate." Lelouch mocked once again. "Since that is not my case and most people's case, I will kill you anyway." He took off a gun he had been hiding all day in his jacket.

"…I can only hate you because I've loved you before. Now I understand that you can only hate what you love and that the same amount you hate is the same amount you have loved what you currently hate."

Suzaku came to Lelouch's mind. He had loved his first and best friend and hated him for selling him and using Nunnally. It hurt that it had to be him out of all people. Brittania. Those good days, filled with cheer, smiles and luxury. It hurt to know that he was betrayed in one of those good days.

"Before you kill me I wanted to tell you something."

Suzaku. Brittania. Nunnally. He loves them and hates them. Love. Hate. Everything was so confusing. His head hurted.

"Thank You." The ex-agent closed his eyes seeing the gun pointed at him.

When he opened his eyes after not feeling anything Lelouch wasn't there. He feared Lelouch would try to kill himself so he desperately, still bleeding and bruised, when to search him during the whole night but his body betrayed him and fainted.

Sure days are longer than they appear when important things happen.

This had been a very long day.

And perhaps the hardest of all.

Just a couples of hours ago, everything had changed.

_"Hey! Zero is inside!"_

_"What are the guards do- argh!"_

_Both guards were shot down by another Geassed guard._

_"No one can't stop their reunion", he said._

_He wanted to cry. His eyes became wet. **I finally can see you again, finally…**_

_"Who is there?" Nunnally asked. Lelouch approached slowly, a tear had already descended through his left cheek. When he was near her, he whispered into her ear "Nunnally, it is me. Onii-sama." Another tear poured from his left eye. "You don't need to be scared no more."_

_"Onii-sama!" Nunnally started crying and held his hand. "I was so scared. I want to go home."_

_"Don't worry Nunnally." Lelouch caressed her hand. "I'll take you there."_

_"Onii-sama, I am so scared… Zero is here. He wants to kill me. He is going to kill me…" the blind girl trembled and held his brother's hand._

_"That's false! Zero would never try to kill you! He would never ever think of it!"_

_"I'm scared!" She said in a shy, low, and feeble voice. "He's going to kill me, just like he killed Euphie nee-sama and Clovis nii-sama…" Nunnally started to cry and panic._

_"T… that's never going to happen!"_

_Explosions on the outside were heard by both of them. Followed by the noisy last breathes of the killed Brittanian Soldiers and heavy shooting. Shooting… that brought Nunnally awful memories. Both his mother and what had happened to Euphie. She unconsciously was shaking and entered into a heavy state of panic when the shootings became louder and approached the room._

_"He's going to kill me! He's going to kill both of us! I don't want to die! I don't want to be killed!" She covered her ears with both hands and lowered her face. "He's coming to kill me, he will kill me, Zero will kill me, Zero will…!"_

_"STOP! That's not true! Zero would never do that!"_

_Nunnally was being shaken by Lelouch, who was worried by seeing her fear._

_"That's because… that's because… I… I AM ZERO!"_

_Somehow the shootings and the loud noise were obscured by the intense silence of the blinded, crippled, sobbing girl._


End file.
